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  • Writer's pictureSamuel Jacobs

Sexual Abuse claims hurt sales of Vatican's 2020 Altar Boy Calendar.

The sales of the Vatican's 2020 Altar Boy Calendar have hit an all time low.

Even though this week Pope Francis lifted the secrecy rule off the Catholic church when it comes to sex abuse cases, it could not help the dwindling sales of the 2020 Vatican Altar Boy Calendar.

"Normally we can't keep them on the shelves. It's one our biggest sellers. Up there with 'You Want a Dolly Little Girl?' doll." said a representative for Accenture Interactive, the Vatican's marketing agency.

The calendar brought some attention to advocacy groups who remind the Catholic Church of their history of sexual abuse. To which Accenture Interactive responded, "There is nothing more innocent than children playing in the sun, shirtless, with their faces blurred out."

When asked what they are going to do to make up dwindling sales, the spokesperson responded, "We are already building an amusement park in Vatican City, called Neverland II. It should be ready Q3 of 2021. Free horn dogs.... corn dogs."

#calendar #vatican #catholicchurch #satire #AccentureInteractive #


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