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  • Writer's pictureSamuel Jacobs

Joel Osteen becomes Mayor and incorporates Houston as a Mega Mega Mega Church.

Updated: Dec 17, 2019

Lakewood Church Super Pastor Joel Osteen has won the election of Mayor and his first action was to turn the City of Houston in to the world's first Mega Mega Mega Church.

Senior Pastor of Lakewood Church Joel Osteen is already the leader of the largest Church in the United States. averaging about 52,000 attendees per week. The 16,800-seat Lakewood Church building, home to four English-language services and two Spanish-language services per week, is located at the former Compaq Center. Now by incorporating Houston as a Mega Church, they now have a congregation of 7 million plus.

This power move has left other religious leaders eating his dust.

"He always wanted power. So much power." a Spokesperson for Pope Francis said when questioned. "If he thinks he is going to bring in Vatican Money, he's got another thing coming."

Houston Now Tax Exempt

Now that Houston is considered a giant church it will be free of paying both State and Federal taxes. "That's just the way it is. He got there first" stated a representative for the IRS. "We better change that before other cities and states follow suit."

First order of Business

Everyone is allowed in Houston, but there will be a heavenly 'fine' levied on all non-Christians who decide to reside there called Osteena Law. So every Mosque and Synagogue will now have to pay Osteen to be allowed to exist. Atheists will have to wear arm bands and provide the minimum amount of prayer.

When the Freedom from Religion Foundation was asked to comment, their jaws were literally on the ground and one person was mumbling incoherently. A representative for Osteen thinks they were speaking in tongues.


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