• Samuel Jacobs

"It's a Miracle" cries theist, after building fire leaves twisted burnt corpses in shape of cross.

After a building fire that took 127 lives, Theists are crying that it's a miracle because a couple of the burnt, scorched victims fell into what resembled a crude shaped cross.

Birmingham, AL. After a fire gutted an apartment building that left 127 people charred beyond all recognition, theists are calling it a miracle because they found that a few of the burnt, scorched, charred bodies had fallen in the shape of a crude cross.

"God is good." said Pamela Strathborn, a Southern Baptist and the building's landlord "See how he is with us all the time?"

When pointing out that her entire family, and life savings were destroyed in the fire, she just continued smiling and said, "God tests us. All I have to do is pass."


We then reminded her that the cross that she said was a miracle was actually the firefighters placing the bodied of her family to be identified, and that it wasn't God's work, she had this to say, "God works in mysterious ways. You can't break my faith."


It was then revealed that the owners of the building didn't have any insurance, and that the fire was started from an exposed wire in the kitchen that the city already fined them for, so they had enough preventative warning, she had this to say, "God is on my side. He will provide."


We then summed up to her that the charred burnt scorched bodies of her family were placed in a haphazard cross, who have traveled from around the country to celebrate a surprise party for her birthday, that everything she owned in the world is gone, the building owners didn't have insurance and that her own home owners policy was void because her wire wasn't fixed, she had this to say, "God wants me to be strong. He had a plan."


It then started to downpour, the kind that if it happened only a few moments before, it would have saved everything and everyone she loved, but for some reason, as if by ominous design, only started after everything was put out. "I will not be tempted by the devil." said Pamela.


With only the clothes on her back, she stood in the rain-filled streets and watched her smoky abode. With the screams of her loved ones echoing through her head and not being able to make sense of the world, she looked down at a pile of burnt rubble and she saw the remains of her personal bible, now a black, carbon-burnt mess, she opened the book to Job 1.1 and started reading what she could, but it disintegrated in her hands, and said, "God let me read a part of the bible. He is still with me."


Ms. Strathborn then leaned against a tree for support for her grief, much against the fire fighters warnings. "God loves me." she said, and then it was struck by lightning. It would have ended her misery, but she writhed on the ground for a good couple of minutes before a shard of tree fell on her head crushing it, ending her life. In the end, the tree branch, and her body resembled a crude cross. Her final words were. "The tree." Her pastor who was late for the party, saw the devastation and the final resting place of Ms. Strathmore and how she resembled a crude cross and had this to say, "God is great."


#satire #religimarole #godisgood #job

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