• Samuel Jacobs

BREAKING: Vatican celebrates 1M pedophile priests relocated.

Today marks the 1,000,000th pedophile priest relocated to avoid lawsuits and bad press.

VATICAN CITY. It was quite a celebration in St. Peter's Square yesterday as the Vatican celebrated its one millionth pedophile that had been relocated so they can avoid shameful lawsuits and loss of membership.

"It's been a tough journey but we did it." remarked Pope Francis, "It's not as easy as it looks. Sometimes we had to replace old pedophiles with new pedophiles. Hopefully it will take a while before they are caught."

The Pedophile relocation program was started in the early 80's under Pope John Paul II and became immensely popular with the Pedophile crowd as this was an opportunity to travel the world, explore other parishes, teach the word of God to new congregations and diddle more children than ever before. Some Pedophiles have gone to as many as 10 different locations.

Reunion of the one million pedophiles at St. Peter's Square

When asked how many pedophiles were left to relocate, the Pope laughed and shrugged his shoulders. "Only God knows." he said.

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