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  • Writer's pictureSamuel Jacobs

Five Televangelists transmute to form giant prayer bot to fight evil atheists.

Five of the world's Televangelists have formed together to create MechaPrayBot.

Joel Osteen, Kenneth Copeland, Peter Popoff, Jim Bakker and Paula White make up the mercenary Satan fighting force known as MechaPrayBot created by the money tithed to each ministry and a grant from the Kentucky government.

Five different vehicles, each resembling an animal in the bible, a lion, a unicorn, a lamb an ox and a donkey with large genitals, each with a different ability to collect money from church goers, each with the ability to assemble into one giant robot that will sing the praises of Jesus, collect the tithe, kill all atheists.

"Atheists are the biggest threat to our salvation," said Kenneth Copeland. "They stand there, all high and mighty with their science proven facts and universal truths. It's disgusting."


Joel Osteen is the youngest member. He drives the Lion. His youthful exuberance and the way he connects with horny unfulfilled Christian wives makes him the nature team leader.

Kenneth Copeland is the oldest member of the team, and controls the Ass. His brand of evangelicalism by convincing elderly folk who don't have much and live on a fixed income to donate to the ministry is second to none

Peter Popoff is the Unicorn. It's surprising that he is allowed on the team at all, considering his shady past, but the good Christians have overlooked him scamming them and have decided to continued to give him money.

Paula White, the only female member, is the Lamb. She has a special connection to the President and is allowed to circumvent law and morality. Most of the money she brings in goes to her plastic surgery.

Jim Bakker drives the Ox. The stubbornness of this man who won't go away makes him a perfect candidate for the last member of the team. He just won't go away.

The team is run by Pat Robertson, who sits back behind his desk at mission control in judgement over all those who are different than he, and guides the team to where ever there are sinners.

If they encounter a enemy they can't defeat they hit the Thoughts and Prayers button to vanquish it, but it actually does nothing.

"MechaPrayBot mainly is used to intimidate and destroy their disbelief," said Joel Osteen, "and the kids love it." but when reminded that the only reason MechaPrayBot exists is because of science, and China, the place they had it built, is one of the most atheistic countries, he started crying.


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