• Samuel Jacobs

Patriots lost because they didn't pray hard enough, says God.

There is a reason that the New England Patriots didn't advance in the playoffs, God says they just didn't pray hard enough.

As with all previous years before, usually the winner of the Super Bowl® is the team that is the most faithful and religious. But for some reason, the New England Patriots, who used to be the most pious, fell short of God's good graces this year.

"Normally we pray 10-15 times a day. After all we are six time champs. Wouldn't you?" said Tom Brady in an interview yesterday. "We were going for seven!"

But speculations arise that the trade of Demaryius Thomas may have been their downfall. Thomas is quite religious and they could have used his power and expertise with the Lord. Now the New York Jets get that extra stopping power that the Patriots once had and frankly squandered. Even though Thomas was injured, it only strengthened his faith in God above.

"Sure I was wounded, but I prayed hard for them every game. I guess they just didn't appreciate that." said Thomas.
Demaryius Thomas as a Texan showing his relationship with God.

Some people think the Patriots have grown arrogant and are relying on their own ability to win games instead of from the assistance from God. They have grown lax and have forgotten that they are just a conduit of the almighty and not in any way talented.

The Patriots said are going to regroup, and hopefully their draft picks this year will make up for their hole in their Holy Defense. "There is always next year. Hopefully we don't get any atheists in our draft picks." said Brady.

#satire #parody #religimarole #Patriots #Brady #TomBrady #DemaryiusThomas #superbowl

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