• Samuel Jacobs

BREAKING: Jesus returns to heal the coronavirus, but spreads it further.

All that praying Christians did to bring Jesus back, to help with the coronavirus, was for naught. Jesus ended up spreading it faster than anyone could imagine.

Houston, TX. After a considerable amount of praying, Christians finally hear back from their lord Jesus Christ. He decided to come back to help those suffering from the coronavirus, the same way he did when he brought everyone fish and wine and the thing with the lepers and stuff. I think there was bread too.


His Body Isn't Prepared For This.

But by returning he becomes God in the flesh again and his ancient immune system couldn't adapt to the modern day coronavirus and he ended up spreading it further causing more damage. Jesus himself was admitted to St. Michael's hospital and is quarantined.


Thousands of people amass outside the hospital for a glimpse of Jesus, but those worshippers also ended up contracting the virus.

"People keep trying to get to Jesus, but the power to spread the virus is incredible. I've never seen something mutate at this rate before." said Dr. Eric Knoxberry.

At the rate the virus is spreading since Jesus' return, scientists are calling for mass extinction in only 28 days. Thanks Jesus.


#satire #religimarole #jesus #coronavirus #praying


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