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  • Writer's pictureSamuel Jacobs

Church of Satan to offer series of Baphomet's Milk Cream Cheeses.

Updated: Mar 3, 2020

In an effort to expand its brand, the Church of Satan is offering official Baphomet's Goat's Milk Cream Cheeses milked from Baphomet himself.

Philadelphia, PA. The Church of Satan has been getting a lot of press lately for putting up monuments in public places alongside of Christian ones. The intent is to exercise their religious freedoms as well as make a name for themselves as a peaceful and enjoyable alternative to Christianity. Their next course of action is to take advantage of the country's new affinity to goat's cheese.

"He was very patient while we milked him. It was almost as if he enjoyed it." said Jason Watters-Fall for the Church of Satan.

When asked if it made any difference that you couldn't milk a male goat or a billy, he had this to say, "I don't understand the question, I assumed that all goats gave milk." Then his eyes widened to the size of Mormon Divinity Plates.

The different flavors will be Chives, Smoked Salmon, Pineapple, Cucumber and Plain.

Quick to Imitate

Jumping on the popularity bandwagon, Evangelicals have created their own brand of confectionary called 'Cream Jesus' made from Sheep's Milk.

Some fans of the original are calling it, "I can't believe it's not Baphomet!" The product is currently only available online through the official Church of Satan store and on Amazon.


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