• Samuel Jacobs

Christian Leaders elect Greta Thunberg as the Second Coming of Christ. Kanye not even considered.

Updated: May 16

Jerusalem, Israel. In a second counsel of Nicaea, Christian leaders had a vote as to whom the second coming of Christ could be in these hard, troubled times.

The second ecumenical council of the Christian church, meeting in modern day Nicaea, Christian leaders decided who was going to be the second coming of the Lord Jesus Christ.


Several factors were taken in to consideration: How much they help human kind, how unselfish they are on a whole, their ability to inspire millions of Christians and non-Christians alike, and of course, the amount of midi-chlorians in their bloodstream.


"It came down to two people, Ms Thunberg and that guy from the musical 'Hamilton'." said Jack Lipton, President of the Baptist World Alliance. "It was close, he's very good."

Ms. Thunberg was instantly in the running for her tackling the dire environmental issues that encompass the world. Her bravado and passion for the subject made her an obvious candidate and she took the electoral collage, even though Hamilton won the popular vote.


What Happens Now?

Well, Ms Thunberg will have to be put through the trials. She'll have to learn how to perform miracles like, walking on water, feeding the poor and managing a call center. "We hope to have her ready by 2025, which would put her at 21, a whole 12 years ahead of Jesus. She is that spectacular. We are all very excited." Lipton stated.

Greta Thunberg practicing her walking on water.

When asked why Kanye wasn't considered for the role, Lipton explains, "Kanye is a bit of a douche. I mean he makes good music, but he is hardly Christ worthy. Besides, he couldn't make a droid if his life depended on it."


#satire #religimarole #Greta #Thunberg #Secondcoming #Jesus #Kanye



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