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  • Writer's pictureSamuel Jacobs

BREAKING: Pat Roberston dead since 1987. 700 Club made with puppets and mirrors.

A starting revelation with the long-running evangelical Christian show the 700 Club, the show has been made without its host for over 30 years utilizing puppets, and mirrors.

Pat Roberson, shortly after he died. Or before. We don't know.

More scandal has rocked the Evangelical Christian community when they a leaked source revealed that Pat Robertson had been dead since June of 1987, and the entire production of the 700 Club has been made with semi-lifelike puppets and mirrors, like some half-assed magic trick.

When asked, Shannon Watson, Producer for the long-running Christian Propaganda show, she had this to say,

"Pat hardly did anything. For the first year, we just used his hollow, skanky corpse, but when the smell of dead flesh overtook his natural disgusting odour, a cardboard cutout of him was used for several years afterwards." Mrs. Watson, continued. "But donations dropped, so we needed to have some movement. That's when we made the puppet."

The puppet was commissioned from the television show creators of 'Splitting Image' who are known to create parody versions of celebrities.

Splitting Image version of Mark Zuckerberg, we think. Could be real.

The 700 Club then found an actor who could not only impersonate the late Pat Robertson, but didn't have scruples so they could get the standard 700 club message across of bilking Christians out of all their money. Apparently this scandal doesn't matter to Evangelical Christians, because they lack critical thinking skills.


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