• Samuel Jacobs

Bored God creates disease causing men's genitals to explode just "Because he can."

Updated: Dec 17, 2019

God, the ever-powerful has sent out yet another disease just because he has the power.

Called Spontaneous Testicular Combustion, without warning a male's genitals can explode causing him extreme pain and discomfort.

“I wanted to punish men this time. So I thought, what do they cherish most? Easy, their balls.” - God

It's contagious as well. Men are warned not to hang around each other, because as soon as one person's ballsack explodes, it could lead to others following suit, as witnessed in a late night screening of the latest Star Wars movie at the Cinema 16 in Richmond.

"We thought it was the popcorn machine was in the room." recants one of the three females who was in the theater.

"The only way to stop the spontaneous combustion," says God, "is to relieve the pressure through masturbation. Yeah, that's right. I'm forcing you to sin or your balls explode."

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